Busy Busy Busy

Jude had his first two cavities filled on Monday. They were actually more extensive than I had thought. They originated as "kissing cavities", where the two back teeth touch, but left unattended, they had spread across the chewing surface of both teeth. He did great with the laughing gas, and chose a fake, stick-on mustache as his prize. :) Two down, seven to go.
We spent 5 hours at the pool on Tuesday. Jim commented on how much calmer the boys are at the end of a day spent out playing, versus a day spent cooped up at doctors offices, or due to rain. :)
Wednesday, we went down to the English as a Second Language office and Jude was tested for placement in the public school program. The ESL program would entail attending full-day, regular school, regular classes, except for English, where he would be with the ESL class for two hours (skipping PE or art or something to get that second hour in.) He qualified for the program of course. They want to put him in the 3rd grade. He just turned 8, and he has never attended any school. I have read of other adoptive families who were able to get their children placed in a lower grade than the child's age would indicate, and I have read of families who couldn't, it just depends on the school district. I was told that I would not have any say in the grade choice, and I did not pursue arguing this, for two reasons: I really think Jude needs to start at Kindergarten level, because there are a lot of skills he doesn't have,  it's not just a matter of needing to learn the English words for concepts he already knows in Chinese. He has a lot of gaps in what he knows. That being said, Jude is 8 years old, and acts older in some ways. He would not fit, or be comfortable in a classroom full of 5 year olds. He has tremendous command over his body, very agile and coordinated. He is very independent in self-help skills. He's socially way more interested in what the older kids are doing, and would be deeply offended, not to mention bored, with a classroom full of five year olds. I just read a post where an experienced adoptive mom suggested 2nd grade, not third, and while they will basically be dropped into the deep end of the pool, she feels confident they can catch up. I admit to second guessing myself, but I'm going to homeschool both boys at Kindergarten level, for this year. If the mom mentioned above is correct, I'll have the latitude to accelerate his class work, as needed, and teach at a higher grade level when he's ready. Then we can re-evaluate grade level placement next year, when we are more solidly bonded as a family.
My cousin Anne is in town for a seminar/course/CE (not sure which term applies) that pertains to her profession of medical massage therapist. She comes up roughly once a year, and we have been blessed to have her stay with us on a few of occasions. :) I always enjoy her visits, and appreciate the effort she makes to make time for us. And THIS time I hit the jackpot! She took pity on me and offered me a shoulder and scalp massage! Woot! After she called me a sissy established a degree of pressure that I found beneficial as opposed to agonizing she went to work, and it was lovely. :) I highly recommend this to anyone who resides in her neck of the woods! I also picked her brain about our future garden, schooling, and some massage tips that might help Jude, but that was incidental when compared to the massage. :)
Jim and I met with an adoption/attachemnt therapist today, as a kind of meet and greet. She gave us some tips to try to work on with Jude, to give him the vocabulary to communicate what he's feeling about all this that's happening to him, and we are going to try to implement it and see where we are.
Coming up next week, we actually start school, since we are going to go with a 4 day a week schedule (so we have to start early); and we go back to Shriners to meet with a physician about what would be involved in trying to straighten Jude's legs out and get him walking on his feet; then Owen has a routine follow-up with the ENT for  his ear-tubes; then Jude gets three cavities filled. Are you tired just reading this? I am. :)
The boys got haircuts this morning while I napped off last-night's shift this morning. I then made this recipe I found on food.com, http://www.food.com/recipe/shanghai-noodles-61712, called Shanghai Noodles. It was very easy, light, and tasted a lot like the Chinese food we had in China, as opposed to Chinese food here, to my inexperienced palate. If you like noodles, this was quick and makes a full meal if you put it with the chicken or pork mentioned in the comments of the recipe.
We had a weird incident today. Or it seemed weird, to Jim and I, anyway. We have been having no luck finding someone to custom-make some replacement chaps as well as a guard for Jude's ankle. At the recommendation of a co-worker of mine who races horses, we contacted a tack shop down by the track. Jim called and spoke to the owner, and explained what we were looking for, and the owner said to come down, he thought he could help us. Jim said he was very helpful on the phone and thought they could make or rig something. So we loaded up the car and went down there. We walked in to find the owner sitting at a desk. Jim identified himself, reminding the man of their conversation, but the man cut him off and said he couldn't help us. We were left standing there, kids in tow, feeling kind of awkward. Jim tried to salvage the awkward situation, and gestured with his hand toward one of Jude's legs and started to say something like, "we are trying to find..." but the owner said again, very dismissively, that he was SURE he couldn't help us. Now, he could have been having a bad day. There could be any number of reasons that this incident seemed so socially strange. But when Jim and I sat down in the car, after loading the boys back in, we looked at each other and I said, "Was that weird, or just me?" and Jim, who gives EVERYONE a ton of benefit of the doubt, said "That was very weird." It FELT like the man had a problem with us, who we were. In light of how helpful he had seemed on the phone regarding our custom needs, it was bizarre. to say the least. So the search goes on....

We went
to the zoo on Thursday with friends.

The boys got haircuts Saturday morning. Owen did not want his picture taken, while Jude is always open to photo ops.

Jude is not eating anything in this pic, he is blowing on the tip of a paper airplane. He does this before every launch, stating that it makes it fly better?

Jude was my official bean-snapper today. Beans courtesy of Anne!

Lastly, I've come to the conclusion that Jude's been suffering in silence for two months, eating what to him must be very bland cooking. He discovered the yellow Chinese mustard in last weeks Chinese take-out, and then discovered the medium Salsa, which he is eating with a spoon, no kidding. Then this weekend, he SKIPPED the PORK!!!! in favor of plain white rice at a Chinese restaurant, with about a cup of this poured on it.  So I bought him his own supply to keep at home. :)

just living life

TI am not posting as much, obviously. It's a combination of being really busy going to doctors appointments and trying to squeeze the usual stuff in between, and there not really being anything monumental going on.
To keep it real, we have our struggles. I still say it's no more extreme than if an acquaintance's kids came to live with us, and we all had to figure out how to get along. That being said, it's still tough. On all of us.

I think Jude has come to the point where he's tired of being on his best behavior, and he's starting to try to make a place for himself. On the one hand, this is good. On the other, it's hard. His English is coming along, he understands a great deal. His verbal English is still limited, but he's remarkably adept at communicating, when he wants to, in a combination of broken English and charades. I read something a minute ago that sums up some of what we are experiencing. "When we parent a child from birth, we have the luxury of having a pretty good idea of what their behavior is trying to communicate.  We know the child intimately and develop a sixth sense about what is going on in their inner-most experiences.  This is so much harder when we are parenting an older child that we are just getting to know.  To know what a behavior is communicating, we have to slow down and listen.  Listen to what is NOT being said.  Listen to what is underneath that behavior."
Right now, seemingly innocuous daily events seem to be loaded with all kinds of undertones that I am oblivious to, until a short while later when a misbehavior occurs that I know we all know is inappropriate, and I'm mystified as to why it's happening. We are having to learn to back track, mentally, and look at the preceding several hours, to try to track down the perceived slight, and go over it, with alot of google translate involved. It's exhausting, for everybody. Probably Jude most of all. He is, after all, the latecomer to the party, and he hates that. Jude is also struggling with whether or not Owen is an ally or a rival. I think (hope) that his natural inclination is to have him as an ally. But lately, Jude has been doing some pretty heavy mental math, and by his calculations Owen has been here longer, he is understood better, and he has more stuff. Using this math, Jude is in a vulnerable position, and that is not something he likes. He just hasn't figured out an effective means of leveling the playing field yet, and we haven't figured out an effective means of filling that void. Part of the problem is that Jude is such a normal kid, in every way, we forget that he comes from a hard place. That he hasn't had two parents to coach him through life. That he isn't viewing life from the perspective of family, but rather from the perspective of an orphanage. Jim and I are going to see a counselor who specializes in attachment next week, to get a professional opinion on what we are doing right, and wrong.
So, on to what we are doing. Since my last post, Jude started swim lessons. He just about had it all sorted out, just from going to the pool, but I really think he needed some help maximizing what forward propulsion he could get from his strokes. (Read, I was going to have a  heart attack while he sorted it out). He has had two lessons, and currently can dive off the side of the pool and swim about 20 feet to the other side. He still occasionally runs into a little trouble, but sorts it out, and doesn't panic. The instructor says he is quite capable of competing on a swim team, and she thinks he will be ready by next spring. I started Owen with her too, to work on his advanced strokes. She told me of a swim team in town who accomodates children with special needs. Owen has refused to swim for our pool's team, but I asked if he would swim on a team with Jude and he said sure!
Jude came to us knowing how to whistle, snap his fingers, and tie shoes, among other things. Owen was SO impressed. In the two months we've been home from China, Owen has also learned to snap, whistle (he can get a whistle to happen about 1 out of three tries), and he can now tie a shoe! Jude is very supportive of Owen's efforts to accomplish these things, in spite of the previously mentioned bean-counting he does in other areas. I have videos of all these accomplishments, but have yet to figure out how to load video to this blog, so you are out of luck!
Jude is making real progress on his ABC's and he knows his numbers in Mandarin, it's just a matter of vocabulary there.
We spent a day at Shriners in Lexington, getting an opinion on what we can do to aid Jude in his mobility. It seems funny to write that, because Jude is extremely mobile, just not like you and me. That being said, as he grows and matures, his current  method of locomotion probably won't hold up, nor is it practical for getting around out in public venues. The doctor we saw there actually gave us his opinion of what we are looking at, instead of the now-usual "Wow! Would you look at that! Do you know who you need to see?" This doctor did, in fact, tell us who we needed to see next, but in addition to that, he layed out what he thought we were looking at. It was pretty hard-core, but in a way, that's a relief. It gives us a starting point against which to measure other opinions. I'm suspicious of unicorns and rainbows anyway.
Jude is now on his second ear infection since being home. It is possible that this is due to living in the Ohio River Valley, but I really think this has been a chronic condition for him, which resulted in his hearing issues. I anticipate ear tubes, but it will have to wait it's turn.
We had to take Zeke to the vet yesterday. He's been acting off for about a week, but nothing specific. He went from hanging outside a lot, to hanging out in our closet alot. He was still eating as usual, and I checked his teeth and gums, which seemed fine. He was just acting off. We kept commenting on how "off" he was acting, but it was so non-specific that we didn't do anything, chalking it up to the extreme heat. Then yesterday he pulled his left leg completely off the ground and wouldn't walk on it. This was a completely new symptom, and I think unrelated to his previous "off-ness" but at least it was concrete, so we took him to the vet. The vet thought it was questionable enough to do xrays, but nothing showed up. When they took Zeke back to weigh him, to determine a dose of pain meds, they discovered that Zeke had lost 6 pounds, over 10% of his body weight. This is a cause for concern, obviously. Zeke is an EATER. He starts nagging, at about 430am, for you to get up and feed him. He has not been off his feed, so what's the deal? There is the specter of the big "C" hanging over us, but for now, we are giving him some anti-inflammatories and pain meds, and week if R&R. Then we'll do some blood work to see what's what. Jude was fascinated that the dog got to go to the doctor, too. Our vet let Jude use his stethoscope and listen to his and Owen's heart. I tried to plant the seed of career choice there, but I lost him when I said he'd have to study hard. :)
So, now you are caught up on our doings. Next week we start on the cavities, and Jude will take the ESL (English as Second Language) test, to see what our options might be for placement in the public schools would be, if we decide Jude needs resources that I can't provide at home. Not sure we will pursue it, but I like knowing what my options are. :)

   

Odds and ends

Pic Jude took of his favorite subject...Abby

Owen had $4 burning a hole in his pocket. Jude had $19 from birthday money and allowance. Jude was content just to have it. But Owen was adamant that he get a shot at spending his money, and once I agreed to take them to Target, he spent the whole drive trying to talk Jude into pooling their money. :) Jude almost bought this Iron Man mask. I showed him how much of his money it would takes, and he said Ok. Then Owen showed him a Star Wars character with vehicle that would have taken ALL of both their money. Jude initially agreed, and set the mask aside, until I showed him it would empty his wallet AND women's. he back pedaled immediately. :) He then spotted a Cars Lightening McQueen pool toy that he liked, and it didn't cost all his money but close, and he was good wi that. Then as we headed toward the checkout, he just about flipped out of the cart, yelling "Mama!" Like there was a fire, as he reached toward an end-cap clearance bin...what was it? A toy IPhone.

For a closer look...and the cost? $3. I went to great pains to make sure he knew it wasn't real, just a toy, but he HAD to have it, so....he walked out with his heart's desire AND the bulk of his cash. Not many of us can say that!

Some of his funny faces.....trying out his new toothbrush. Boy has started chewing them, like Owen does!

Being goofy...

Rainy Friday watching the tv....

A break in the rain...

They are playing Jedhi Master with our house robes.....

This is another hide n seek shot....

I kid you not, the kid is a pretzel!

Tonight, we made cupcakes to take to our neighbor, who fell and badly broke his leg a couple of weeks ago. Jude and Owen took turns at each step of the preparation. Jude dumped the cake mix, Owen poured in the water, Jude cracked an egg, etc etc....much to my surprise, Jude LOVED the cake batter! Now before you think, "we'll, duh! Wo doesn't like cake batter?" Jude really doesn't have a sweet tooth. He will ask for a piece of his birthday cake but only eat a small bit of it. He will as often as not walk off and leave a Popsicle half-eaten. I know, I have NO idea how he does it, but there you go. So, when I turn from the sink, having left Owen with a spatula full of batter, and Jude the bowl, to find Jude with the bowl OVER his head, licking the inside, to say I was surprised is an understatement. If I'd been thinking, I'd have gotten a picture, but I was preoccupied by all the batter IN HIS HAIR!

He likes chocolate icing too, but not as much as the batter. For the record, we had already iced and put in a box the cupcakes going to our neighbor BEFORE any licking of the spatula took place!

And here is the ubiquitous Boy and His Dog photo....

 We had an OT appointment today, to see if there was anything the therapist could work on with Jude. She was highly disappointed that there was nothing! She said she was desperate to work with him, because he was so much fun, but she honestly couldn't find anything that he hadn't already figured out a way to compensate. I'm a little relieved to not have regular OT appointments to attend, at least at this stage. It's one less appointment on the list! We start swim lessons for Jude on Wednesday. I'll hopefully have pics, since I won't have to actively insure his safety while he is the water. The instructor has said to plan on him needing 24 lessons....ha. She doesn't know my boy! He'll have this whole swimming thing sorted out PDQ, just watch. :)

Celebration

The boys spent a rainy Friday coloring, cutting, and taping.....

Jude colored and Owen taped it their bedroom walls....and let me tell you, Jude is a prolific artist! Owen got his workout in, getting up and down off the bed, to retrieve the pic and tape it to the wall. The pictures on the OTHER walls have a few more colors on them, but at this stage of the game, the inevitable competition kicked in, and Jude was trying to color faster than Owen could tape and hang....hence the monochromatic theme. :)

During one of the breaks in the rain, the boys went outside to ride Owen's vehicle. Jude's has been "in the shop" with a broken gear for a few days. His vehicle is smaller and can't hold but one person, apparently, without breaking. We knew it had been sounding funny for awhile, but it finally just went kuput!

If you are wondering at the side-saddle thing, Owen's vehicle is too big for Jude to press the pedal, and Owen can't reach it from the pillion position in back, so in order to let Jude "drive", Owen has to ride side-saddle and push the pedal for him. Don't worry, we don't let them out of the cul-de-sac like this!

Note the weapon. Our court is safe, have no fear! They are on patrol for Forces of Evil....

I find it interesting that Owen, who is normally a more tentative, non-adventurous type, is very confident and experimental on this vehicle. He rides well, is very aware of his surroundings, and I've had drivers on the street stop and tell me how polite and safe he is at the cross-walks (I was with him, he was just a little in front of me on the side-walk), but he also has experimented, again only in the cul-de-sac, with driving with no hands, standing up, skidding out, etc....all very NON-Owen type things. (Before you freak out, these vehicles do NOT go very fast at all. I keep up with them, walking.)

And lastly, our neighborhood celebration was rained out. So we went out and bought sparklers and snakes, and set them off in the driveway. (I can NOT believe that fireworks were not on sale the day AFTER the holiday! Boo!)

And two pyromaniacs were born......The End.