To keep it real, we have our struggles. I still say it's no more extreme than if an acquaintance's kids came to live with us, and we all had to figure out how to get along. That being said, it's still tough. On all of us.
I think Jude has come to the point where he's tired of being on his best behavior, and he's starting to try to make a place for himself. On the one hand, this is good. On the other, it's hard. His English is coming along, he understands a great deal. His verbal English is still limited, but he's remarkably adept at communicating, when he wants to, in a combination of broken English and charades. I read something a minute ago that sums up some of what we are experiencing. "When we parent a child from birth, we have the luxury of having a pretty good idea of what their behavior is trying to communicate. We know the child intimately and develop a sixth sense about what is going on in their inner-most experiences. This is so much harder when we are parenting an older child that we are just getting to know. To know what a behavior is communicating, we have to slow down and listen. Listen to what is NOT being said. Listen to what is underneath that behavior."
Right now, seemingly innocuous daily events seem to be loaded with all kinds of undertones that I am oblivious to, until a short while later when a misbehavior occurs that I know we all know is inappropriate, and I'm mystified as to why it's happening. We are having to learn to back track, mentally, and look at the preceding several hours, to try to track down the perceived slight, and go over it, with alot of google translate involved. It's exhausting, for everybody. Probably Jude most of all. He is, after all, the latecomer to the party, and he hates that. Jude is also struggling with whether or not Owen is an ally or a rival. I think (hope) that his natural inclination is to have him as an ally. But lately, Jude has been doing some pretty heavy mental math, and by his calculations Owen has been here longer, he is understood better, and he has more stuff. Using this math, Jude is in a vulnerable position, and that is not something he likes. He just hasn't figured out an effective means of leveling the playing field yet, and we haven't figured out an effective means of filling that void. Part of the problem is that Jude is such a normal kid, in every way, we forget that he comes from a hard place. That he hasn't had two parents to coach him through life. That he isn't viewing life from the perspective of family, but rather from the perspective of an orphanage. Jim and I are going to see a counselor who specializes in attachment next week, to get a professional opinion on what we are doing right, and wrong.
So, on to what we are doing. Since my last post, Jude started swim lessons. He just about had it all sorted out, just from going to the pool, but I really think he needed some help maximizing what forward propulsion he could get from his strokes. (Read, I was going to have a heart attack while he sorted it out). He has had two lessons, and currently can dive off the side of the pool and swim about 20 feet to the other side. He still occasionally runs into a little trouble, but sorts it out, and doesn't panic. The instructor says he is quite capable of competing on a swim team, and she thinks he will be ready by next spring. I started Owen with her too, to work on his advanced strokes. She told me of a swim team in town who accomodates children with special needs. Owen has refused to swim for our pool's team, but I asked if he would swim on a team with Jude and he said sure!
Jude came to us knowing how to whistle, snap his fingers, and tie shoes, among other things. Owen was SO impressed. In the two months we've been home from China, Owen has also learned to snap, whistle (he can get a whistle to happen about 1 out of three tries), and he can now tie a shoe! Jude is very supportive of Owen's efforts to accomplish these things, in spite of the previously mentioned bean-counting he does in other areas. I have videos of all these accomplishments, but have yet to figure out how to load video to this blog, so you are out of luck!
Jude is making real progress on his ABC's and he knows his numbers in Mandarin, it's just a matter of vocabulary there.
We spent a day at Shriners in Lexington, getting an opinion on what we can do to aid Jude in his mobility. It seems funny to write that, because Jude is extremely mobile, just not like you and me. That being said, as he grows and matures, his current method of locomotion probably won't hold up, nor is it practical for getting around out in public venues. The doctor we saw there actually gave us his opinion of what we are looking at, instead of the now-usual "Wow! Would you look at that! Do you know who you need to see?" This doctor did, in fact, tell us who we needed to see next, but in addition to that, he layed out what he thought we were looking at. It was pretty hard-core, but in a way, that's a relief. It gives us a starting point against which to measure other opinions. I'm suspicious of unicorns and rainbows anyway.
Jude is now on his second ear infection since being home. It is possible that this is due to living in the Ohio River Valley, but I really think this has been a chronic condition for him, which resulted in his hearing issues. I anticipate ear tubes, but it will have to wait it's turn.
We had to take Zeke to the vet yesterday. He's been acting off for about a week, but nothing specific. He went from hanging outside a lot, to hanging out in our closet alot. He was still eating as usual, and I checked his teeth and gums, which seemed fine. He was just acting off. We kept commenting on how "off" he was acting, but it was so non-specific that we didn't do anything, chalking it up to the extreme heat. Then yesterday he pulled his left leg completely off the ground and wouldn't walk on it. This was a completely new symptom, and I think unrelated to his previous "off-ness" but at least it was concrete, so we took him to the vet. The vet thought it was questionable enough to do xrays, but nothing showed up. When they took Zeke back to weigh him, to determine a dose of pain meds, they discovered that Zeke had lost 6 pounds, over 10% of his body weight. This is a cause for concern, obviously. Zeke is an EATER. He starts nagging, at about 430am, for you to get up and feed him. He has not been off his feed, so what's the deal? There is the specter of the big "C" hanging over us, but for now, we are giving him some anti-inflammatories and pain meds, and week if R&R. Then we'll do some blood work to see what's what. Jude was fascinated that the dog got to go to the doctor, too. Our vet let Jude use his stethoscope and listen to his and Owen's heart. I tried to plant the seed of career choice there, but I lost him when I said he'd have to study hard. :)
So, now you are caught up on our doings. Next week we start on the cavities, and Jude will take the ESL (English as Second Language) test, to see what our options might be for placement in the public schools would be, if we decide Jude needs resources that I can't provide at home. Not sure we will pursue it, but I like knowing what my options are. :)
